Making mistakes is a learning process
Theodor-Schneller School, Amman, 18 November, 17:27.
Seated at the coffee table in front of me are three little girls, busily writing in their exercise books. Beside them is a young woman who is explaining what to do in a firm but always friendly tone. Unfortunately, I can’t understand exactly what she’s saying – my Arabic isn’t quite up to that yet – but it seems to be about maths. At two desks in the next room, the two older pupils are doing their homework independently. “Welcome to the girls’ family” is written in large, colourful letters on the wall. It is the first time since I arrived at the Schneller School in mid-October that I have had a break during study time, as there seems to be less German and English homework than usual today.
But first, a brief introduction to my placement: The Theodor Schneller School (TSS) in the east of Jordan’s capital, Amman, is an educational centre comprising a nursery, a school up to Year 10, and several training centres for skilled trades. Some of the schoolchildren also live in the attached boarding house in groups of up to 17 children, known as ‘families’. My fellow volunteer Ailu (with the little boys) and I (with the girls) are there to play with the children and practise foreign languages with them. We also live on the boarding school grounds, though not directly in the children’s group rooms. Unlike most church-run private schools here, the Schnellerschule is not only aimed at Christian children from affluent areas, but also at families from the immediate vicinity who can often afford little or no school fees. It does not matter which religion they belong to. The aim is to teach that Muslims and Christians can also be friends and live together peacefully. As the temperatures dropped towards the end of November, Ailu and I soon began to feel the first signs of a cold. Consequently, I was glad when the exam period began in December. This meant that, after playground time, I increasingly had quiet moments for reading, writing and observing. Except on days before German or English tests. Then patience, perseverance and good ideas were needed to motivate the girls to study for several hours and practise the required material with them. It’s challenging, but I also find it incredibly fun, especially because you can laugh a lot with the children.
One Friday morning, I’m sitting in the service at the Sudanese International Church (SIC). The British pastor with Korean roots is preaching in Arabic, his wife beside him translating into English. I really enjoy the bilingual services and the diversity within the congregation. The sermon focuses on the verses at the end of 2 Corinthians 11, about how we should not boast of our strengths but of our weaknesses. I continue to reflect on this for a long time. We often like to talk about all the beautiful and good things (perhaps because, fortunately, they often outweigh the rest). As I myself find honest conversations about problems and difficulties very encouraging, after this sermon I resolve to write proudly about my mistakes and weaknesses in my next blog…
During a game at the preparatory seminar, we learnt: “Being thrown into a new culture is like playing a game whose rules you don’t know.” This comparison actually describes quite well the awkward feeling I had at the start of my time here. Despite everyone’s willingness to help, the “rules of the game” of Jordanian culture cannot simply be explained or taught to me. Many things where I look for rules and patterns to understand them better simply happen quite naturally for everyone around me. So I’m learning by trial and error. At the start, I’m puzzled by everything. Much of it becomes normal over time, but when you could be doing something wrong with every move, it’s only logical that you come across as a bit stiff. One day, when I try to write down all my ‘errors’, the list feels endless: ‘I open the door for someone I shouldn’t be opening it for – I let a child do something they’re not actually allowed to do – I unwittingly take a plate that belongs to someone else – I open all the windows, even though I should be closing them –…’ Fortunately, the team at the boarding school is very patient with me. I realise, however, that I’m not used to making mistakes all the time, and the feeling that comes with it is simply unpleasant; for as much as I want to help, I often feel like a burden. I certainly have plenty of social skills and abilities, but I have them in Germany. Here I have to learn a lot of things anew and also find new ways to express my personality – a challenge I hadn’t expected in this way. I’ve already accumulated many anecdotes about problems with cultural differences, language barriers and the need for special treatment (e.g. because I’m actually a vegetarian). I’ve now got used to many questions and situations; looking back, I can laugh at others. Here is a glimpse into my everyday life, to which unfortunately neither of the above applies:
It is Tuesday evening, and the Year 2 pupil sitting next to me is copying a passage from her English book. It is only a few lines, but it is tedious. She is tired and simply cannot concentrate any longer. Her friend of the same age has already finished and is drawing. I do my best to keep the girl in good spirits, trying to explain that she needs to leave spaces between the words, but I quickly give up when I realise she doesn’t understand me (or doesn’t want to) and this only makes the atmosphere worse. When all the letters are finally in the book, I can tell her with relief that we’re done. She runs to her teacher and proudly announces the good news. The teacher opens the book, shakes her head and addresses the pupil sternly, then turns to me and explains that this isn’t right, because you have to leave spaces between the words. She tears the page out of the book and instructs her to do the task again. There we are, the two of us, sitting there again. Although I know that nobody blames me for this and that this situation is certainly not unusual, I feel miserable; I’m sorry. Mistakes at the children’s expense are the most terrible ones for me, and unfortunately I know all too well what that’s like.
Even now, several months on, there are still many things I have to get used to, including a daily routine that differs greatly from what I’m used to. I have plenty of free time here, and even more now that it’s the six-week winter break. I had that in Germany too, but there I could easily fill the time – or even overfill it. Here, I like going to church, going for walks or a jog on the TSS grounds, feeding the cats and meeting up with the other volunteers. Nevertheless, there’s plenty of time to reflect, and everything is a bit more tiring than in Germany (I also need more sleep). A friend from the SIC once said to me: “Being abroad without knowing the language or culture teaches you a great deal of humility.” With all my mistakes and weaknesses, and the forbearance and help of others on which I rely here, I now understand what that means. Where I am weak, God shows His strength. Because of this, I face many new trials every day, and the mistakes are slowly but surely becoming fewer.
It’s already the end of January. I wrote this part of the blog post back in December, but then I discarded it and wanted to write about the Christmas and New Year period, which was very lovely and eventful. When Julia and Margarete, the two volunteers in the neighbouring town of Salt, said they wanted to write about that too, I decided to stick with this somewhat heavier topic after all. So please do read their posts if you’re also interested in the more carefree, Christmassy side of Jordan. If I were to try and list all the successes I’ve had here over the last few months, the list would actually be even longer than the one detailing the little everyday mistakes, because the positive aspects are often so wide-ranging that they’re better expressed in processes rather than individual situations. “Being invited by the children to play – telling a joke that makes them laugh (there were slip-ups there too) – increasingly successful short conversations in Arabic – realising that I can now find my way around the city on my own, a place that felt so foreign at the start…” So I’m happy to say: I’m doing well, I had a lovely holiday and I get on really well with my fellow volunteers; an incredible gift. Over the last few weeks, we (Julia, Margarete, Ailu and I) have gone on several trips together to explore the country – it’s beautiful! Let’s see how the return to the daily routine goes next week; I’m looking forward to it and can’t wait to see the children again.
Warmest regards,
Caro
This text was automatically translated using an AI-powered translation system.
